{"id":4713,"date":"2024-06-03T08:30:48","date_gmt":"2024-06-03T03:00:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/atmanramayana.foundation\/journal\/?p=4713"},"modified":"2024-06-03T20:23:42","modified_gmt":"2024-06-03T14:53:42","slug":"why-ego-is-the-enemy-and-what-we-can-do-about-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/atmanramayana.foundation\/journal\/why-ego-is-the-enemy-and-what-we-can-do-about-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Why \u201cEgo is the Enemy,\u201d and what we can do about it"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I recently read a fantastic book by Ryan Holiday called\u00a0Ego is the Enemy<\/em>. The book provides a very compelling argument for why ego hurts us, and also shares some practical suggestions about how we can manage our ego.<\/p>\n

I have definitely been a victim of my ego in the past. I have also seen others (close friends and colleagues) who have made poor decisions, or have generally been unhappy, because of their ego. So this book strongly resonates with me.<\/p>\n

What do we mean when we discuss ego? As Holiday writes:<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cThe ego we see most commonly goes by a more casual definition: an unhealthy belief in our own importance. Arrogance. Self-centered ambition\u2026 It\u2019s that petulant child inside every person, the one that chooses getting his or her way over anything or anyone else. The need to be better than, more than, recognized for, far past any reasonable utility \u2014 that\u2019s ego. It\u2019s the sense of superiority and certainty that exceeds the bounds of confidence and talent.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

So why is ego the enemy? There are several reasons:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • Keeps you out of touch with reality<\/li>\n
  • Creates unrealistic expectations and entitlement<\/li>\n
  • Makes you dependent on external validation<\/mark><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Keeps you out of touch with reality<\/h2>\n

    One of the biggest reasons why ego is your enemy is that it keeps you out of touch with reality. Your ego is what prevents you from hearing critical but necessary feedback from others. Ego makes you over-estimate your own abilities and worth, and under-estimate the effort and skill required to achieve your goals. All of this means that you lose touch with reality, and you miss opportunities \u2014 to improve, to connect with others, and to achieve your goals.<\/p>\n

    \n

    \u201cIf ego is the voice that tells us we\u2019re better than we really are, we can say ego inhibits true success by preventing a direct and honest connection to the world around us\u2026 The ways this separation manifests itself negatively are immense: We can\u2019t work with other people if we\u2019ve put up walls. We can\u2019t improve the world if we don\u2019t understand it or ourselves. We can\u2019t take or receive feedback if we are incapable of or uninterested in hearing from outside sources.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

    Creates unrealistic expectations and entitlement<\/h2>\n

    Ego makes you assume that you \u201cdeserve\u201d some outcome \u2014 a job offer, a promotion, a sports win, etc. \u2014 because of your past efforts. It creates a feeling of entitlement:\u00a0I want what\u2019s mine, what\u2019s due to me. I know what I deserve.<\/em><\/p>\n

    \n

    \u201cEntitlement assumes: This is mine. I\u2019ve earned it. At the same time, entitlement nickels and dimes other people because it can\u2019t conceive of valuing another person\u2019s time as highly as its own. It delivers tirades and pronouncements that exhaust the people who work for us and with us, who have no choice other than to go along. It overstates our abilities to others, it renders generous judgment of our prospects, and it creates ridiculous expectations.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

    Makes you dependent on external validation<\/h2>\n

    If you let your ego take too much control of yourself, you become incredibly dependent on external validation. This validation may take the form of:<\/p>\n

      \n
    • Press coverage, mentions within internal company communications, applause from a crowd<\/li>\n
    • The praise and admiration of your family, friends, boss, and colleagues<\/li>\n
    • Extrinsic signals like a higher compensation, big house, fancy car, expensive vacations, impressive title<\/li>\n
    • Social media likes and follows<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      Your ego needs and craves this external validation in order to feel satisfied. As Ryan writes:<\/p>\n

      \n

      \u201cEgo needs honors in order to be validated. Confidence, on the other hand, is able to wait and focus on the task at hand regardless of external recognition\u2026 [With ego], we need to be recognized. We need to be compensated. Especially problematic is the fact that, often, we get that. We are praised, we are paid, and we start to assume that the two things always go together. The \u2018expectation hangover\u2019 inevitably ensues.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

      \n
      \n
      \n

      Ok, so we now know that ego is the enemy, and we have discussed several reasons why this is the case. What can we do about it? Ryan makes a number of suggestions in his book:<\/p>\n

        \n
      • Do something, don\u2019t try to be somebody<\/li>\n
      • Focus on effort, not outcomes<\/li>\n
      • Make other people successful<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

        Do something, don\u2019t try to be somebody<\/h2>\n

        Ryan tells us the story of John Boyd, one of greatest fighter pilots and an instructor at the elite Fighter Weapons School at Nellis Air Force Base. Boyd once gave this advice to one of his students:<\/p>\n

        \n

        \u201c\u2018Tiger, one day you will come to a fork in the road. And you\u2019re going to have to make a decision about which direction you want to go.\u2019 Using his hands to illustrate, Boyd marked off these two directions. \u2018If you go that way you can\u00a0be somebody<\/em><\/strong>. You will have to make compromises and you will have to turn your back on your friends. But you will be a member of the club and you will get promoted and you will get good assignments.\u2019 Then Boyd paused, to make the alternative clear. \u2018Or,\u2019 he said, \u2018you can go that way and you can\u00a0do something<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0\u2014 something for your country and for your Air Force and for yourself. If you decide you want to do something, you may not get promoted and you may not get the good assignments and you certainly will not be a favorite of your superiors. But you won\u2019t have to compromise yourself. You will be true to your friends and to yourself. And your work might make a difference.\u00a0To be somebody or to do something. In life there is often a roll call. That\u2019s when you will have to make a decision<\/strong>.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

        You have a choice: you can try do be somebody impressive, or you can do something impressive. Often when we chase after trying to\u00a0be somebody<\/em><\/strong>, we take shortcuts, we compromise our beliefs, we take more for ourself than we share with others. But when we want to\u00a0do something<\/em><\/strong>, we are motivated more by our purpose than by the external validation that comes with trying to be somebody. We\u2019re willing to work hard, stay true to our purpose and our beliefs, and treat others generously. Because we\u2019re less worried about how much credit, recognition, and rewards we get in our quest to\u00a0be somebody<\/em><\/strong>, and we\u2019re more concerned with how much impact and influence we have in our quest to\u00a0do something<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

        Think hard about what motivates your behavior and your choices. Is it to be somebody, or to do something? The next time you\u2019re at a fork in the road, take the \u201clow ego\u201d path of doing something.<\/p>\n

        Focus on effort, not outcomes<\/h2>\n

        With almost any endeavor, there is a strong element of luck involved. You may have done everything you could have done to prepare, and you may have very well performed your best. Yet despite all of this, the outcome of your efforts may be negative: \u201cfailure, disrespect, jealousy, or even a resounding yawn from the world.\u201d We can only control our own actions, but we cannot control what other people do. We cannot control the environment. And we cannot control the element of luck.<\/p>\n

        As Bill Walsh, 4-time Super Bowl winning coach of the San Francisco 49ers, wrote in his book\u00a0The Score Takes Care of Itself<\/em>:<\/p>\n

        \n

        \u201cThe final score of a football is decided, on average, according to the following percentages: 20 percent is due to luck, such as a referee\u2019s bad call, a tricky bounce of the ball, an injury, or some other happenstance. I accepted the fact that I couldn\u2019t control that 20 percent of each game. However, the rest of it \u2014 80 percent \u2014 could be under my control with comprehensive planning and preparation.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

        Hence, Walsh focused on developing a Standard of Performance for his players. This Standard of Performance involved perfecting the details for various players: linemen perfected multiple blocking techniques; quarterbacks refined various drop back movements and passing techniques; receivers perfected the details about \u201chow to be at that exact inch at the exact moment the ball arrived.\u201d Walsh focused on effort and lived with the knowledge that the outcomes (the final 20%) would be determined by luck.<\/p>\n

        Ryan has a similar take:<\/p>\n

        \n

        \u201cYou will be unappreciated. You will be sabotaged. You will experience surprising failures. Your expectations will not be met. You will lose. You will fail.<\/p>\n

        \u201cHow do you carry on then? How do you take pride in yourself and your work? John Wooden\u2019s advice to his players says it: Change the definition of success. \u2018Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.\u2019<\/p>\n

        \u201cDo your work. Do it well. Then \u2018let go and let God.\u2019 That\u2019s all there needs to be.<\/p>\n

        \u201cRecognition and rewards \u2014 those are just extra. Rejection, that\u2019s on them, not on us.<\/p>\n

        \u201cThis is why we can\u2019t let externals determine whether something was worth it or not. It\u2019s on us.<\/p>\n

        \u201cThe world is, after all, indifferent to what we humans \u201cwant.\u201d If we persist in wanting, in needing, we are simply setting ourselves up for resentment or worse.<\/p>\n

        \u201cDoing the work is enough.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

        Make other people successful<\/h2>\n

        In order to manage your own ego, focus on making other people successful. By paying attention to other people\u2019s needs, desires, and goals, you are by definition setting aside your ego and self-absorption in order to focus on others. In the process, you are developing a sense of purpose and service within yourself. It\u2019s no longer about you \u2014 it\u2019s about what you can do to help others. When you approach your relationships and your work this way, suddenly you\u2019re not worried about taking things \u2014 whether opportunities, credit, or the spotlight \u2014 for yourself. You\u2019re concerned with giving these things to others. And you build an incredible amount of trust and goodwill with your colleagues and friends when you behave this way.<\/p>\n

        Ryan writes:<\/p>\n

        \n

        \u201cImagine if for every person you met, you thought of some way to help them, something you could do for them? And you looked at it in a way that entirely benefited them and not you. The cumulative effect this would have over time would be profound: You\u2019d learn a great deal by solving diverse problems. You\u2019d develop a reputation for being indispensable. You\u2019d have countless new relationships. You\u2019d have an enormous bank of favors to call upon down the road. That\u2019s what the canvas strategy is about \u2014 helping yourself by helping others. Making a concerted effort to trade your short-term gratification for a longer-term payoff. Whereas everyone else wants to get credit and be \u2018respected,\u2019 you can forget credit. You can forget it so hard that you\u2019re glad when others get it instead of you \u2014 that was your aim, after all. Let the others take their credit on credit, while you defer and earn interest on the principal.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

        This reminds me of a passage from\u00a0Xenophon\u2019s Cyrus the Great: The Arts of Leadership and War<\/em>.\u00a0Cyrus the Great\u00a0founded the Persian Empire, which extended from the Mediterranean Sea to India, in the 6th century B.C. As he prepared to raise an army, Cyrus consulted with his father, Cambyses. Cyrus recounted his father\u2019s advice about what motivates followers.<\/p>\n

        \n

        \u201cMy father went on, asking, \u2018Do you understand the basic reason why followers stay loyal to their leaders? And do you know the basic reason why followers desert their leaders?\u2019<\/p>\n

        \u201c\u2018The loyalty of followers comes from self-interest<\/strong>,\u2019 I readily replied. \u2018When they determine that their leader is no longer acting in their self-interest, their sense of loyalty collapses.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

        If people believe that you are acting in\u00a0their<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0own interests, they will trust and follow you as their leader. The moment they feel like you\u2019re\u00a0not<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0acting in their interest, you lose their trust and they will leave you. In other words, if you can manage your own ego and make other people successful, you will earn and retain their trust. This is the \u201cprincipal\u201d that Ryan refers to above \u2014 the goodwill, the bank of favors that you are building up.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

        <\/div>\n
        \n
        \n
        \n

        I really enjoyed reading\u00a0Ego Is the Enemy<\/em>\u00a0by Ryan Holiday. All of us have been victims of our egos in the past. We can live much happier and successful lives if we can do a better job of managing our own egos.<\/p>\n

        There are a few reasons how ego hurts us in our daily lives:<\/p>\n

          \n
        • Keeps you out of touch with reality<\/li>\n
        • Creates unrealistic expectations and entitlement<\/li>\n
        • Makes you dependent on external validation<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

          In order to manage our ego, we can remember to approach life with these principles:<\/p>\n

            \n
          • Do something, don\u2019t try to be somebody<\/li>\n
          • Focus on effort, not outcomes<\/li>\n
          • Make other people successful<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

            By actively managing our ego, we will be more receptive to diverse perspectives that challenge our thinking. We will be open to new ideas and opportunities. We will be willing to do the work required to achieve great things. We will focus on things that we control (our effort), rather than things we cannot (the outcome). We will build trusted relationships with others, by giving more credit \/ rewards \/ opportunities than we take for ourselves. We will develop a sense of purpose and service by making others successful.<\/p>\n

            Imagine how much more creative, productive, and energized we would be if we always lived life this way. Imagine how fulfilling our relationships would be with others if we can truly manage our own ego. This is what we are striving for. I urge you to take these lessons to heart and apply the principles in your daily lives. I know I will.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

            By Ameet Ranadive<\/p>\n

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            I recently read a fantastic book by Ryan Holiday called\u00a0Ego is the Enemy. The book provides a very compelling argument for why ego hurts us, and also shares some practical suggestions about how we can manage our ego. I have definitely been a victim of my ego in the past. 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