{"id":4700,"date":"2024-06-03T08:06:22","date_gmt":"2024-06-03T02:36:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/atmanramayana.foundation\/journal\/?p=4700"},"modified":"2024-06-03T19:30:50","modified_gmt":"2024-06-03T14:00:50","slug":"how-to-find-your-purpose-in-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/atmanramayana.foundation\/journal\/how-to-find-your-purpose-in-life\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Find Your Purpose in Life"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Are you struggling to discover your purpose? That may be because you feel isolated from other people. Here’s how you can overcome that.<\/div>\n<\/header>\n
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Do you have a sense of purpose?<\/p>\n

For decades, psychologists have studied how long-term, meaningful goals develop over the span of our lives. The goals that foster a sense of purpose are ones that can potentially change the lives of other people, like launching an organization, researching disease, or teaching kids to read.<\/p>\n

Indeed, a sense of purpose appears to have evolved in humans so that we can accomplish big things together\u2014which may be why it\u2019s associated with better\u00a0physical\u00a0and\u00a0mental\u00a0health. Purpose is adaptive, in an evolutionary sense. It\u00a0helps\u00a0both individuals and the species to survive.<\/p>\n

Many seem to believe that purpose arises from your special gifts and sets you apart from other people\u2014but that\u2019s only part of the truth. It also grows from our connection to others, which is why a crisis of purpose is often a symptom of isolation. Once you find your path, you\u2019ll almost certainly find others traveling along with you, hoping to reach the same destination\u2014a community.<\/p>\n

Here are six ways to overcome isolation and discover your purpose in life.<\/p>\n

1. Read<\/h2>\n

Reading connects us to people we\u2019ll never know, across time and space\u2014an experience that research says is linked to a sense of meaning and purpose. (Note: \u201cMeaning\u201d and \u201cpurpose\u201d are related but separate social-scientific constructs. Purpose is a part of meaning; meaning is a much broader concept that usually also includes value, efficacy, and self-worth.)<\/p>\n

In a\u00a02010 paper, for example, Leslie Francis studied a group of nearly 26,000 teenagers throughout England and Wales\u2014and found that those who read the Bible more tended to have a stronger sense of purpose. Secular reading seems to make a difference, as well. In a\u00a0survey of empirical studies, Raymond A. Mar and colleagues found a link between reading poetry and fiction and a sense of purpose among adolescents.<\/p>\n

\u201cReading fiction might allow adolescents to reason about the whole lives of characters, giving them specific insight into an entire lifespan without having to have fully lived most of their own lives,\u201d they suggest. By seeing purpose in the lives of other people, teens are more likely to see it in their own lives. In this sense, purpose is an act of the imagination.<\/p>\n

Many people I interviewed for this article mentioned pivotal books or ideas they found in books.<\/p>\n

The writing of historian W.E.B. Du Bois pushed social-justice activist Art McGee to embrace a specific vision of African-American identity and liberation. Journalist Michael Stoll found inspiration in the \u201csocial responsibility theory of journalism,\u201d which he read about at Stanford University. \u201cBasically, reporters and editors have not just the ability but also the duty to improve their community by being independent arbiters of problems that need solving,\u201d he says. \u201cIt\u2019s been my professional North Star ever since.\u201d Spurred by this idea, Michael went on to launch an award-winning nonprofit news agency called\u00a0The San Francisco Public Press<\/em>.<\/p>\n

So, if you\u2019re feeling a crisis of purpose in your life, go to the bookstore or library or university. Find books that matter to you\u2014and they might help you to see what matters in your own life.<\/p>\n

2. Turn hurts into healing for others<\/h2>\n

Of course, finding purpose is not just an intellectual pursuit; it\u2019s something we need to feel. That\u2019s why it can grow out of suffering, both our own and others\u2019.<\/p>\n

Kezia Willingham was raised in poverty in Corvallis, Oregon, her family riven by domestic violence. \u201cNo one at school intervened or helped or supported my mother, myself, or my brother when I was growing up poor, ashamed, and sure that my existence was a mistake,\u201d she says. \u201cI was running the streets, skipping school, having sex with strangers, and abusing every drug I could get my hands on.\u201d<\/p>\n

When she was 16, Kezia enrolled at an alternative high school that \u201cled me to believe I had options and a path out of poverty.\u201d She made her way to college and was especially \u201cdrawn to the kids with \u2018issues\u2019\u201d\u2014kids like the one she had once been. She says:<\/p>\n

I want the kids out there who grew up like me, to know they have futures ahead of them. I want them to know they are smart, even if they may not meet state academic standards. I want them to know that they are just as good and valuable as any other human who happens to be born into more privileged circumstances. Because they are. And there are so damn many messages telling them otherwise.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sometimes, another person\u2019s pain can lead us to purpose. When Christopher Pepper was a senior in high school, a \u201ctrembling, tearful friend\u201d told him that she had been raped by a classmate. \u201cI comforted as well as I could, and left that conversation vowing that I would do something to keep this from happening to others,\u201d says Christopher. He kept that promise by becoming a Peer Rape Educator in college\u2014and then a sex educator in San Francisco public schools.<\/p>\n

Why do people like Kezia and Christopher seem to find purpose in suffering\u2014while others are crushed by it? Part of the answer, as we\u2019ll see next, might have to do with the emotions and behaviors we cultivate in ourselves.<\/p>\n

3. Cultivate awe, gratitude, and altruism<\/h2>\n

Certain\u00a0emotions and behaviors\u00a0that promote health and well-being can also foster a sense of purpose\u2014specifically,\u00a0awe,\u00a0gratitude, and\u00a0altruism.<\/p>\n

Several studies\u00a0conducted by the Greater Good Science Center\u2019s Dacher Keltner have shown that the experience of awe makes us\u00a0feel connected\u00a0to something larger than ourselves\u2014and so can provide the\u00a0emotional foundation\u00a0for a sense of purpose.<\/p>\n

Of course, awe all by itself won\u2019t give you a purpose in life. It\u2019s not enough to just feel like you\u2019re a small part of something big; you also need to feel driven to make a positive impact on the world. That\u2019s where gratitude and generosity come into play.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt may seem counterintuitive to foster purpose by cultivating a grateful mindset, but it works,\u201d\u00a0writes psychologist Kendall Bronk, a leading expert on purpose. As research by William Damon, Robert Emmons, and others has found, children and adults who are able to count their blessings are much more likely to try to \u201ccontribute to the world beyond themselves.\u201d This is probably because, if we can see how others make our world a better place, we\u2019ll be more motivated to give something back.<\/p>\n

Here we arrive at altruism. There\u2019s little question, at this point, that\u00a0helping others\u00a0is associated with a meaningful, purposeful life. In one study, for example, Daryl Van Tongeren and colleagues found that people who engage in more altruistic behaviors, like volunteering or donating money, tend to have a\u00a0greater sense of purpose in their lives.<\/p>\n

Interestingly, gratitude and altruism seem to work together to generate meaning and purpose. In a second experiment, the researchers randomly assigned some participants to write letters of gratitude\u2014and those people later reported a stronger sense of purpose. More\u00a0recent work by Christina Karns and colleagues\u00a0found that altruism and gratitude are neurologically linked, activating the same reward circuits in the brain.<\/p>\n

4. Listen to what other people appreciate about you<\/h2>\n
Shawn Taylor with his family<\/span><\/div>\n

Giving thanks can help you find your purpose. But you can also find purpose in what people thank you for.<\/p>\n

Like Kezia Willingham, Shawn Taylor had a tough childhood\u2014and he was also drawn to working with kids who had severe behavioral problems. Unlike her, however, he often felt like the work was a dead-end. \u201cI thought I sucked at my chosen profession,\u201d he says. Then, one day, a girl he\u2019d worked with five years before contacted him.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe detailed how I helped to change her life,\u201d says Shawn\u2014and she asked him to walk her down the aisle when she got married. Shawn hadn\u2019t even thought about her, in all that time. \u201cSomething clicked and I knew this was my path. No specifics, but youth work was my purpose.\u201d<\/p>\n

The artists, writers, and musicians I interviewed often described how appreciation from others fueled their work. Dani Burlison never lacked a sense of purpose, and she toiled for years as a writer and social-justice activist in Santa Rosa, California. But when wildfires swept through her community, Dani discovered that her strengths were needed in a new way: \u201cI\u2019ve found that my networking and emergency response skills have been really helpful to my community, my students, and to firefighters!\u201d<\/p>\n

Although there is no research that directly explores how being thanked might fuel a sense of purpose, we do know that gratitude\u00a0strengthens relationships\u2014and those are often the source of our purpose, as many of these stories suggest.<\/p>\n

5. Find and build community<\/h2>\n

As we see in Dani\u2019s case, we can often find our sense of purpose in the people around us.<\/p>\n

Many people told me about finding purpose in family. In tandem with his reading, Art McGee found purpose\u2014working for social and racial justice\u2014in \u201clove and respect for my hardworking father,\u201d he says. \u201cWorking people like him deserved so much better.\u201d<\/p>\n

Environmental and social-justice organizer Jodi Sugerman-Brozan feels driven \u201cto leave the world in a better place than I found it.\u201d Becoming a mom \u201cstrengthened that purpose (it\u2019s going to be their world, and their kids\u2019 world),\u201d she says. It \u201cdefinitely influences how I parent (wanting to raise anti-racist, feminist, radical kids who will want to continue the fight and be leaders).\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course, our kids may not embrace our purpose. Amber Cantorna was raised by purpose-driven parents who were right-wing Christians. \u201cMy mom had us involved in stuff all the time, all within that conservative Christian bubble,\u201d she says. This family and community fueled a strong sense of purpose in Amber: \u201cTo be a good Christian and role model. To be a blessing to other people.\u201d<\/p>\n

The trouble is that this underlying purpose involved making other people more like them. When she came out as a lesbian at age 27, Amber\u2019s family and community swiftly and suddenly cast her out. This triggered a deep crisis of purpose\u2014one that she resolved by finding a new faith community \u201cthat helped shape me and gave me a sense of belonging,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Often, the nobility of our purpose reflects the company we keep. The purpose that came from Amber\u2019s parents was based on exclusion, as she discovered. There was no place\u2014and no purpose\u2014for her in that community once she embraced an identity they couldn\u2019t accept. A new sense of purpose came with the new community and identity she helped to build, of gay and lesbian Christians.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re having trouble remembering your purpose, take a look at the people around you. What do you have in common with them? What are they trying to be? What impact do you see them having on the world? Is that impact a positive one? Can you join with them in making that impact? What do they need? Can you give it them?<\/p>\n

If the answers to those questions don\u2019t inspire you, then you might need to find a new community\u2014and with that, a new purpose may come.<\/p>\n

6. Tell your story<\/h2>\n

Purpose often arises from curiosity about your own life. What obstacles have you encountered? What strengths helped you to overcome them? How did other people help you? How did your strengths help make life better for others?<\/p>\n

\u201cWe all have the ability to\u00a0make a narrative\u00a0out of our own lives,\u201d\u00a0says Emily Esfahani Smith, author of the 2017 book\u00a0The Power of Meaning<\/em>. \u201cIt gives us clarity on our own lives, how to understand ourselves, and gives us a framework that goes beyond the day-to-day and basically helps us make sense of our experiences.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why Amber Cantorna wrote her memoir,\u00a0Refocusing My Family: Coming Out, Being Cast Out, and Discovering the True Love of God<\/em>. At first depressed after losing everyone she loved, Amber soon discovered new strengths in herself\u2014and she is using her book to help build a nonprofit organization called Beyond to support gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Christians in their coming-out process.<\/p>\n

One\u00a02008 study\u00a0found that those who see meaning and purpose in their lives are able to tell a story of change and growth, where they managed to overcome the obstacles they encountered. In other words,\u00a0creating a narrative\u00a0like Amber\u2019s can help us to see our own strengths and how applying those strengths can make a difference in the world, which increases our sense of self-efficacy.<\/p>\n

This is a valuable reflective process to all people, but Amber took it one step further, by publishing her autobiography and turning it into a tool for social change. Today, Amber\u2019s purpose is to help people like her feel less alone.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy sense of purpose has grown a lot with my desire to share my story\u2014and the realization that so many other people have shared my journey.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

By Jeremy Adam Smith<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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